


Neal Caffrey's Greatest Fan Club

by Fatale (femme)



Category: White Collar
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-03 06:22:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/695194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/femme/pseuds/Fatale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you would like to join my fan club for exclusive photos and updates about me for just $29.95, please send Checks or Money Orders (No cash, please!) made payable to: Neal Caffrey's Greatest Fan Club</p>
            </blockquote>





	Neal Caffrey's Greatest Fan Club

Neal Caffrey's Greatest Fan Club  
Gen: Neal, Mozzie  
Rating: G  
Spoilers: HUGE spoilers for 4x14: Shoot the Moon  


 

 

 

 

 

Dear Sir or Madam:

I would like to thank you for your interest in me from being featured in _Mugshot Monthly_. I was pleased to be informed that I was chosen to be January's centerfold. I am most grateful for your continued support. Unfortunately, I am not available for conjugal visits or marriage proposals for the foreseeable future.

If you would like to join my fan club for exclusive photos and updates about me for just $29.95, please send Checks or Money Orders (No cash, please!) made payable to:

 

Neal Caffrey's Greatest Fan Club  
Attn: Mr. Dante Haversham  
P.O. Box 285  
New York, NY 10278-0004

 

Kind Regards,

Neal Caffrey

 

***

 

"So," Neal said conversationally, "would you know any reason the guard would be snapping pictures of me while I slept?"

Mozzie schooled his expression to feigned innocence. "I haven’t the slightest idea, Mr. Caffrey. Perhaps he was overcome with lust."

"Okay," Neal said, horrified. "First, never say anything like that to me again. Second, he already confessed. A well-placed fifty did the trick."

Mozzie swore under his breath. The thing about the prison guard in question was, if you handed him a fifty dollar bill and asked for a picture of a sleeping Neal Caffrey, you'd get it, no questions asked. But another fifty would make him squeal like a pig. For the moment, Mozzie was grateful Neal was in handcuffs, not that it would keep him down for long if Neal really wanted out of them.

"The thing is," Neal continued, "he said they were for my lawyer, but he didn't know what my lawyer was doing with them."

"I find you incredibly sexy?" Mozzie said, voice weak even to his own ears.

Neal couldn't help himself. He clearly knew Mozzie was lying. Still, he preened. Just a little. Mozzie felt a warm wave of affection roll through him. Neal was so predictable.

"Apparently, Beau, the enormous gentleman in my cellblock does, too. Since I noticed that he had the same picture on his cell wall."

"Neal," Mozzie appealed. "I don't send them to prisoners." He sucked in a breath, realizing his error as soon as the words left his mouth.

"I knew it!" Neal said triumphantly. "What did you do? This has to do with all the prison mail I sent you to take care of, doesn't it?"

Mozzie sighed. "I may or may not be selling them."

Neal went very still. "I'm going to take that to mean that you most definitely are."

"I am," Mozzie confirmed. "They're part of a fan club package."

"A fan club? For me?" Neal looked speculative. "So, how many people are in the fan club? Give or take."

Mozzie leaned closer, excited. "At least 250 last I counted. And more are joining every day."

"Well." Neal had a glow of self-satisfaction he couldn't seem to contain. "I've been told I'm photogenic."

"Your fan club certainly thinks so," Mozzie said with a smile. "I'm keeping your half of the money safe for you."

Neal twitched. "No more pictures of me while I'm asleep, okay? Keychains, mugs, great."

"All right, okay," Mozzie said, throwing his hands up. "No more creepy sleeping pictures."

"I'm glad we have an agreement, Mr. Haversham," Neal said, clearly pleased with the direction their conversation had taken. "You are by far the best lawyer I've had."

It was Mozzie's turn to preen. "I try." Who needed Harvard when you Phoenix Online?

 

***

 

He slipped another fifty into the guard's pocket on his way out. "Communal shower picture of Caffrey next," Mozzie said, voice low. "And for the love of God, don't use the camera flash this time."

 

 

 

End.

 


End file.
